My Diary: Sticking A Donkey’s Tail On A Face

June was asleep on a skateboard as I crawled out of a jigsaw box and reassembled myself as best I could.‭ ‬The dog was wearing high heels,‭ ‬which I told her would be bad for her feet,‭ ‬and the largest of our three cats was sleeping on a bed of nails and reciting a strange mantra‭ ‬-‭ ‬I tried to repeat it myself but didn’t feel any immediate benefit‭ ‬-‭ ‬only managing to remove the moustache off Duchamp’s version of the Mona Lisa and start up our next door neighbours car,‭ ‬which promptly ran off down the road and into a river of molten lava which divides the War Memorial hospital from the rest of the town.‭ ‬While June jumped on a cheese sandwich to see if it would cry out I crept out into our garden wearing a frog mask with built in snorkel‭ ‬-‭ ‬a number of cactus were learning to swim.

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