My Diary

I only had time to pull a handful of reeds from a lump of clay which had landed on the bath mat during the night before going to the leprechaun health centre. I had a noose put round my arm and was hung up like a string puppet while the lady behind the desk moved from one chair to another – I thought they looked identical until I noticed one had a small dog, which had purportedly belonged to Mary Queen Of Scots, cowering underneath (I gave it a biscuit and the mobile telephone number of the Greek goddess Athena – she and I are very close after I designed her motorcycle leathers complete with colour coded message on the back). My blood pressure was considered acceptable to invite to select dinner parties and I went to town with two parcels before coming back with one.

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