My Diary

It poured with rain inside the glass dome I had attached to the end of my nose.  When I looked though the glass the dog looked half her normal size – later I saw her running from a giant centipede.  I rescued the dragon from Andromeda and then settled down to copying images of the solar system from inside my head (someone photographed me talking to aliens – I heard the camera click).  I walked home pursued by a gigantic earthworm.

My Diary

After spiraling down from the inside of a cloud I went out to sit on the side of a hill while wild horses rode over head.  Colleagues and I cut down a number of homes – the bonfire took a long time to light.  I wandered round aimlessly with a goldfish bowl over my face and then came home.  When I got in I fell asleep on the head of a pin.   After an hour of two I pulled myself out of the pin cushion and helped to make a dress.

My Diary

I slid down the morning stairs on a slice of toast only to find myself hanging from the side of a high hedge – The ivy was slowly cut.  Once in the pig sty I tried to rob my own bank while drawing horizontal lines on a vertical panel.  The police came just as I made the lines meet.  I had to go out later in the day to stuff half empty bottles in a tuba before blowing it in an old mans orchestra.  The orchestra ate shepherds pie as an encore.

My Diary

I went out in the pitch dark and found myself inside a snail shell, the lights penetrating its thin walls. When I touched down the space craft was red hot so I cleaned the bathroom before coming home hanging onto a bird feather. Once in the partially lit cave I tried to reproduce the lines on my forehead but all I managed to create was a landscape – barren like an old slide. I sat at my desk feeling the emergence of wings from the sides of my hat.

My Diary

My wife and I had to take the mini men to the vets.  The one I call Ernst invented a new art technique on the way – I swallowed a scale model of a new shopping centre as he did so.  I came home wearing an ice cream cone on my head, which my wife said was very fetching.  I tried to make a picture out of the mist and then walked to the old mill where the workers blow on spiders legs to make music.  I turned the radio off and came home.

My Diary

My first task of the day was to cut a path into the bamboo so the old relic could be dragged through.  Action men in monks clothes practiced for the adventure.  I made musical instruments from the pipes and a friend turned them into young girls.  I had black hands and made marks on the white wall – these were later interpreted as a plan for a herbaceous border to be planted on one of Saturn’s moons.  The old man held his beard.

My Diary

I had breakfast on a chess board and then tried to copy the symbols that had mysteriously appeared on the dining room floor.  One of the symbols became a smile so I taped it up.  I tried to signal to a ship which was sailing too close to the rocks but I couldn’t get the tape off.  It rained in the dark caverns which mimic life on the surface;  I put a coat on the dragon who was sleeping there – I didn’t want its fire to go out.