My Diary

I surprised June by walking into the room with my lunch tied up in a handkerchief at the end of a stick; she transformed herself into a black cat.  Finding a small wood on the sole of my foot I pulled an emergency electric razor out of an ice cream carton.  I placed several small trees in the middle of the lounge and put a larger one behind my ear; an apple fell out and I invented the theory of quantum mechanics.  June followed a life size replica of Shirley Temple to town after painting the house in black and white.

My Diary

While June got ready to go out I pretended to be a stand in for the Queen and knighted a number of people who inhabit the Gollum areas of my imagination.  We then went to dinner with a family of amphibians, sinking into a stagnant pond while we waited for our food to arrive.  I walked home wrapped up in a roll of embossed wallpaper (which was a trifle uncomfortable where the pattern sunk in) and then played a game of sea monsters with a little princess who had descended from the ornate chandelier.

My Diary

I clambered out of the house (which had been nicknamed The Water Closet by the door keeper of the Cumulous Cloud public house) through a winking porthole like eye – I wore a red and green bandana and signalled in complementary colours to the stoat standing outside the elaborate wrought iron gate.  After delivering a top secret letter I slid into my invisible studio and held several ideas to ransom – no money was paid so I shot them.  June came in from the pouring rain carrying her coat.

My Diary

It was railway tunnel black as I got out of bed at the earliest hour imaginable; I found a lion’s tail issuing from my back but I couldn’t find my mane anywhere and reasoned that I must have left it in someone else’s house.  I raced down the cruise liner gangway thinking of female vampires, visited the old werewolf and came home with bite marks in my neck.  I noticed several Benedictine monks climb out of my neighbour’s car and I patted their dog when it suddenly appeared out of my sleeve.

My Diary

I found it difficult getting out of bed this morning, even though my ears had dramatically increased in size and had thrown themselves out of the window.  When I walked downstairs to bring them in again the face made of marks on an otherwise bare wall smiled, I saluted like an American general and jumped into a bucket.  Later Davy Crockett and I went in search of a field of young carrots which we interrogated before stuffing in our ears and racing down the road with skipping ropes tied round our necks.

My Diary

I had to feed Polyphemus and all of his sheep before I could have my own breakfast (of lightly fried petals of a rare orchid).  I then walked the dog – the jellyfish membrane I used as clothing flapping in the cold breeze.  When I returned to the quarter deck the cardboard snake had eaten its fibreboard meal so I glued several pieces of wood together and made a weather vane; the wind wasn’t blowing indoors so I climbed onto the back of a giraffe and pushed a purple wig through the chimney pot.

My Diary

I got out of bed bewildered by my confectionery wrapper pyjamas – I went to the bathroom as milk chocolate and came out as dark. After filling a small hole in the wall I climbed into the cockpit of a formula one racing car and made two and two into five – I then made five and five into a dozen, turned my school tie into Trajan’s column and worked in a tunnel. June came in after dinner with a number of OO/HO figures clambering about in her hair, I mentioned my plans and she brushed them out.

My Diary

I woke on a basking shark and decided to have a lie in. June placed clean crockery in the tented village that had appeared on the dining table over night and I then descended on the back of an eagle. I painted a variety of lines on the dining room wall, some of which we subsequently walked along. Eventually we ran out of the shop before the vampire film credits ended holding numerous bathroom fittings. I mused on the fact that I saw everything in colour in a predominantly black and white world.

My Diary

June got the stilts out of the wardrobe, spun my talking bow tie like the propellor of the Great Eastern and then left for work.  I climbed into a bombardier beetle suit and sat on a cloud; the short length of pipe with chrome tap which protruded from my abdomen let one small drip fall, hitting the local clergyman – who was running from a giant centipede – in the eye.  He looked up while I looked down.  I pulled two pairs of glasses out of my top pocket and flew to earth – June was sat in the washing machine.

My Diary

I had to go to the dentist before breakfast; I took a set of mouths with me as a precautionary measure.  I rescued Noah from the whale while sitting in the waiting room (on the way home I wished I had rescued the whale from Noah) and then levitated to the first floor.  After having a plastic model of a Lockheed starfighter placed in my mouth I came home on full after burner; Poppy the dog was sat by the back door with a band of feathers tied round her head – I looked outside to see if I could see the wagon train.